From Best self to Whole self

From Best self to Whole self

It began with Breadsong ... the moving story of Kitty and her father, Al, who started baking bread together as a way for a young teenaged Kitty to cope with overwhelming anxiety and depression. They now run the beautiful and successful Orange Bakery. At her book launch, Kitty said something that really struck me, "I realised that depression isn't a fault in me, like a leaky pipe to be fixed, but a part of me and will always be so."

I thought how incredible that an 18 year old could be so perceptive and accepting, that she is already learning to be whole with all of herself. "Sometimes I am so anxious still that I can't sleep, so I come down and sleep on a bed I have made on the kitchen floor, with my dough." She has learned to accept and breathe into those parts of her that cannot be explained and do not call to be "fixed" nor bettered, but are as they are.

We like to parade the idea that “Of course we are not perfect!” At the same time, people often seem driven to purge themselves of their flaws and weaknesses, those inconvenient and unflattering parts of themselves that do not fit with the leadership or other competencies they aspire to achieve. Indeed, to be "successful", we must botox those wrinkles, strive for excellence (what else?!) and "be our best selves". All in the endless quest for better, better, better. Perhaps that is why many come to coaching at all?

I was heartened by Brené Brown's email this summer, sharing that she and her team would be taking the summer off. "We need breath and space," she said, "We set audacious goals like 'start global conversations about shame and vulnerability' but this might be our boldest move yet." I see this as paying attention to the whole self, not striving to be best self, allowing for 'gosh I've become a little caught up in the success thing again!' Leaning in to being whole, vulnerable, wonky, different, messy, incomplete and wonderfully un-best!

It is so important to pay attention to our stories to ourselves and others about this, lest we unintentionally set up a wonderful way for the Inner Critic or Superego to be constantly chiding us for not being our "best" self. As we expand into that space of the relaxation of the ego and can truly embrace - this is me! - we will be liberated and more whole. Let's celebrate that!

I think that is how our clients probably need us to be.